Daljit Nagra Comments on 'The Shame'
I wrote my poem in response to Sonnet 69. I feel Shakespeare’s poem is about the gossip our conduct arouses and the gradual loss of reputation this causes even though we may appear unaltered on the outside.
Whereas Shakespeare’s sonnet issues and is constrained by the courtly values of his age, my poem sought to explore the implicit Bollywood drama of a modern Indian marriage.
I sought to explore my own forced/arranged marriage which happened decades ago. In my poem, I was interested in exploring the procedure that can follow such a break-up for a couple who live in a tight-knit traditional community.
After the break-up, for my wife, although she was born and raised in the West, it was important that she play the role of damaged wife. While for me, who left the marriage, it was important to take the verbal hits in silence.
The female of such a traditional marriage is the repository of the family values and the family name. To survive the loss of her status as a fallen woman she must discredit the husband in abusive inflammatory terms, as if to protest her innocence even though he has taken it from her!
The only way she can reclaim her name is to endure a widow’s status while the husband must walk away and know he is equally shamed. He must keep away from his own family because of the damage he caused to their honour; by staying with them he exacerbates their shame.
He can never reclaim his status in the family and she, at best, can win sympathy although she will always be regarded with pity. Add the factor of a child into the mix and the poem takes on another layer of bhangra drama!